A Few Years ago I wrote a Porno Movie satire about a girl with an unfeasibly large arse who becomes a world celebrity icon and a symbol of hope for humanity. I still feel that it's a great idea.
It would of been, like the arse, huge in Italy.
Needless to say its radical retake upon the whole hump 'n' grind movie scene did not-unlike the heroine-go down well with the sort of companies who make regular smut. Shame.
It would be a shining star of genius in what is otherwise a morass of excremedia.
Lately I was reminded of this Movie idea by watching two people having sex in a car.
I must pointout that it was not my purpose to actually watch two people blitzkrieging, but I walked along a very quiet lane at night and there in my eyeball was a couple of arses bouncing about boing boing boing in the back of a very nice Red Subaru.
Now, you know the way that eating an entire box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts is very bad for you (do they still sell them in Kings Cross Tesco's I wonder?) but you still do it anyway?
As that orgasmic hit of carbo-pleasure is sailing it's way down those grooves at the side of your mouth next to your tongue that provide salivation, you know that in about twenty minutes you will be hanging off the lampshade doing Clive the Gorilla impressions (or is that just me?).
Anyway there's me transfixed, watching this fellas big arse smudging against the window whilst he delves into a woman smeared somewhere below him, the car squidging on its suspension-four wheel drive very good for that sort of thing I should imagine-and I thought back to my foray into the Porn world a few years earlier and all the dodgy geezers that I had contact with and how I could still smell the pomade and easylube.
I was snapped out of my trance by a woman on a bicycle coming past me and shouting 'pervert'.
Bloody cheek, me a pervert, i'm not the one making stains on the turbo racing seats am I? Bastards.
Sunday 15 April 2007
Wednesday 11 April 2007
The Hero Perishes with Dignity for the Sake of the Radiant Future
For life to have meaning.
We must rise above the mundane mapped out mediocrity that existence has become and be, even for just a moment, truly alive.
To let the full scale and scope of an un-ending universe into our feeble animal brain soup. We must experience everything real in an instance.
Metaphysical Bollocks? (Oh look a Photo).
Sunday 8 April 2007
Malteaser Angry Mob
Has the world turned to idiocy whilst my back was turned? Or am I just turning into a snob who thinks that he has better taste than the rest of 'them'?
It's always stated that if you feel disturbed, get excited because that's when a change is coming. Often i'm overexcited you can tell by the way I walk.
Apparently energy in men rises up the kundalini pathway in the spine and when it gets to the heart chakra it brings up many many issues to do with emotions, love etc.
Christ alive the secret to life is not another plasma screen TV you idiots!
(well maybe a Plasma screen TV to play games on with your kids or friends to share some amazing experiences is...but you get my point don't you??).
It's like 'Dawn of the Dead' without the comedy bits. (The original Romero/ Savini one you chav!)
Q) Seriously why does everything have to be bloody complicated?
A) I know I know, it's journey to achieving the goal and what it makes of us as people.
It's always stated that if you feel disturbed, get excited because that's when a change is coming. Often i'm overexcited you can tell by the way I walk.
Apparently energy in men rises up the kundalini pathway in the spine and when it gets to the heart chakra it brings up many many issues to do with emotions, love etc.
Christ alive the secret to life is not another plasma screen TV you idiots!
(well maybe a Plasma screen TV to play games on with your kids or friends to share some amazing experiences is...but you get my point don't you??).
It's like 'Dawn of the Dead' without the comedy bits. (The original Romero/ Savini one you chav!)
Q) Seriously why does everything have to be bloody complicated?
A) I know I know, it's journey to achieving the goal and what it makes of us as people.
Friday 30 March 2007
The Fool of Bute Park pt2
In the wilds of Alaska there is a place called Akiak. I have this on good authority and Google Earth, as I have never been there mind you.
But apparently it is a small town at the confluence of the Kushokwin River, on the Kushokwin/ Yukon Delta.
Despite, or maybe because of being surrounded by a landscape of extreme grandeur and really wild majesty, Akiak has a problem.
It is being eroded by the power of those rivers raging through the countryside. It is being worn down, dis-located, torn to pieces.
Dramatic and elemental stuff. The residents fight a daily battle to stop their river destroying their community.
It's as if they have upset god and now they have to make amends.
I once planned to write a Love Story set in Akiak, Alaska.
Where two people who only knew each other from afar-opposite sides of the river-knew that they were in Love and yet were seperated by not only the raging torrent of the River, but also by the impossibility of Love itself.
They fight to bridge the gap between themselves and their mal-state. With nature and the River in particular, as the arch antagonist.
If you've ever seen a Michael Mann movie ('Thief', 'The Keep' 'Manhunter' and even later stuff), then you will know what I mean about 'the impossibility of love'.
Just like Akiak, this week I have managed to upset a couple of people who really deserve better, by not being able to give them what they wanted at this particular time, or by having given them the impression that things were different than they really were.
And just like Akiak, I find myself standing at the river of my emotions, wondering why there's so much flotsam floating by.
For the upset I can only apologise, profusely.
Sometimes we make things so bloody complicated.
But apparently it is a small town at the confluence of the Kushokwin River, on the Kushokwin/ Yukon Delta.
Despite, or maybe because of being surrounded by a landscape of extreme grandeur and really wild majesty, Akiak has a problem.
It is being eroded by the power of those rivers raging through the countryside. It is being worn down, dis-located, torn to pieces.
Dramatic and elemental stuff. The residents fight a daily battle to stop their river destroying their community.
It's as if they have upset god and now they have to make amends.
I once planned to write a Love Story set in Akiak, Alaska.
Where two people who only knew each other from afar-opposite sides of the river-knew that they were in Love and yet were seperated by not only the raging torrent of the River, but also by the impossibility of Love itself.
They fight to bridge the gap between themselves and their mal-state. With nature and the River in particular, as the arch antagonist.
If you've ever seen a Michael Mann movie ('Thief', 'The Keep' 'Manhunter' and even later stuff), then you will know what I mean about 'the impossibility of love'.
Just like Akiak, this week I have managed to upset a couple of people who really deserve better, by not being able to give them what they wanted at this particular time, or by having given them the impression that things were different than they really were.
And just like Akiak, I find myself standing at the river of my emotions, wondering why there's so much flotsam floating by.
For the upset I can only apologise, profusely.
Sometimes we make things so bloody complicated.
Tuesday 27 March 2007
Feeling Pretty Alkaline
They are on my beach now, yes they are.
Suddenly spring has sprung here in south-west Wales and instead of being windswept and buffeted it is blow-dried and manicured, but still on west-walian time.
I refer of course to the tourists, who god bless them, bring in the tourist pounds euros and dollars and keep this corner of god's green acre in underwear and latex mini-gloves.
I was almost shocked when coming along the sandy path that spills out through buckthorn trees onto the top of the beach, because there in front of my personage were people.
But not just any people mind you, say walking their dogs or throwing stones, or the dedicated runners who run for ultimate pleasure and solemnity, but holidaymakers!
Lots of them. Holidaymaking.
How dare they! I felt like the grumpy farmer shaking his angry fist and saying 'gerroffmoiland!'
This of course means that the tourist season has begun, the boarding houses and hotels are all being painted and the caravan parks are cutting their grass.
Soon people will flock to this beach and you won't be able to move for creamy bodies and mewling babbies. Ah well, good luck to them.
Suddenly spring has sprung here in south-west Wales and instead of being windswept and buffeted it is blow-dried and manicured, but still on west-walian time.
I refer of course to the tourists, who god bless them, bring in the tourist pounds euros and dollars and keep this corner of god's green acre in underwear and latex mini-gloves.
I was almost shocked when coming along the sandy path that spills out through buckthorn trees onto the top of the beach, because there in front of my personage were people.
But not just any people mind you, say walking their dogs or throwing stones, or the dedicated runners who run for ultimate pleasure and solemnity, but holidaymakers!
Lots of them. Holidaymaking.
How dare they! I felt like the grumpy farmer shaking his angry fist and saying 'gerroffmoiland!'
This of course means that the tourist season has begun, the boarding houses and hotels are all being painted and the caravan parks are cutting their grass.
Soon people will flock to this beach and you won't be able to move for creamy bodies and mewling babbies. Ah well, good luck to them.
Monday 26 March 2007
The Fool of Bute Park
After an excellent constructive and pleasurable weekend in Cardiff, Wales (the Capitol city of my Country), I return afresh.
Admittedly I spent a few bleary hours sat on a bench in Bute Park awaiting the coach, but hey at least the sun shined and people were Sunday happy. It all looked very civilised and it made me want to live in a city again (the time is well approaching).
Talking mostly to myself, I have just finished rewriting yet another of my Feature Film Scripts and by god Watson! I think I might be getting somewhere with this writing malarky.
I know that I can barely tie my shoelaces but writing scripts comes naturally to me and it has done since I started on this particular journey with some very tenuous steps back in some 12 years ago.
Admittedly for the first few years I wrote scripts in spurts of intensive activity one or two projects at a time. Now I write project to project and rarely take any time away from writing scripts, because I don't want to, as scriptwriting (despite the vaguaries of the business and the uncertainties of the activity itself) loves me like a puppy loves its doggiechocs.
And so, I continue onwards, a hero in my own underwear, remember me in your prayers.
Admittedly I spent a few bleary hours sat on a bench in Bute Park awaiting the coach, but hey at least the sun shined and people were Sunday happy. It all looked very civilised and it made me want to live in a city again (the time is well approaching).
Talking mostly to myself, I have just finished rewriting yet another of my Feature Film Scripts and by god Watson! I think I might be getting somewhere with this writing malarky.
I know that I can barely tie my shoelaces but writing scripts comes naturally to me and it has done since I started on this particular journey with some very tenuous steps back in some 12 years ago.
Admittedly for the first few years I wrote scripts in spurts of intensive activity one or two projects at a time. Now I write project to project and rarely take any time away from writing scripts, because I don't want to, as scriptwriting (despite the vaguaries of the business and the uncertainties of the activity itself) loves me like a puppy loves its doggiechocs.
And so, I continue onwards, a hero in my own underwear, remember me in your prayers.
Monday 19 March 2007
Notes on How to Be Free part 1
You’ll often hear it said amongst people you talk to that you or they are ‘lucky’ to have a job.
Only someone with a Slave or Serf mentality thinks that they are ‘lucky’ to have a job. Instead of thinking like a Serf or Slave, think like an entrepreneur.
A job is not a gift from god (although life is), or some magical prophecy, it is you trading your time for money, it is a transaction like any other.
Most people don't like the job that they are in, or they have certainly done many jobs that they 'hated' and surely all of us have worked at one time or another, for an arsehole.
You are the CEO of You. Inc, therefore you need to maximize your profits, you need to bring in as much money per hour for your time as is possible.
How do you do this? By adding value to your worth.
How does someone add value to their worth to an employer or client?
Take the example of a Labourer on a Construction Project or Building site.
Most Labourer’s are badly paid, do heavy physical work that can destroy the body over time and are seen as being something that is easily replaced.
Of course this is a shortsighted attitude on behalf of the employer, but nonetheless it is true.
So how does the lowly Labourer add value to their worth?
They add value by gaining more skills and being a fantastic all-rounder, by being able to do concrete’ing, kango’ing, floor sawing etc, they can add industry approved qualifications and first aid certificates etc. All this will add potential negotiating points.
In general, they get much better at what they do and make sure that what they do is appreciated for being a valuable asset to the company they are working for.
They make sure that the potential employer knows that they are skilled in many things and would be a very useful asset and so, the employer thinks ‘we’ll we’ll have him, what can we offer?’
By increasing their value to an employer or client, they raise their monetary worth, but also force the employer or client to start thinking about what extra incentives they can offer the employee in order to attract or keep hold of him or her.
The same mentality is applicable to all employees and their negotiations in terms of salary etc.
Think about what you can do today to add value to your worth as an employee.
If you are a Copywriter, how can you add value to your worth? What can you do to improve not only your skill as a Copywriter, but also your Marketability?
How then can you exploit that and publicize the fact so that you’ve got people coming to you to get your services?
This is the essence of increasing success, making yourself more valuable than the norm within your chosen profession or the one you find yourself in, in order to bring yourself more opportunities.
Alternatively if you hate it that much and you feel so undervalued, you can just leave and do something far more interesting instead.
Love and Kisses.
Only someone with a Slave or Serf mentality thinks that they are ‘lucky’ to have a job. Instead of thinking like a Serf or Slave, think like an entrepreneur.
A job is not a gift from god (although life is), or some magical prophecy, it is you trading your time for money, it is a transaction like any other.
Most people don't like the job that they are in, or they have certainly done many jobs that they 'hated' and surely all of us have worked at one time or another, for an arsehole.
You are the CEO of You. Inc, therefore you need to maximize your profits, you need to bring in as much money per hour for your time as is possible.
How do you do this? By adding value to your worth.
How does someone add value to their worth to an employer or client?
Take the example of a Labourer on a Construction Project or Building site.
Most Labourer’s are badly paid, do heavy physical work that can destroy the body over time and are seen as being something that is easily replaced.
Of course this is a shortsighted attitude on behalf of the employer, but nonetheless it is true.
So how does the lowly Labourer add value to their worth?
They add value by gaining more skills and being a fantastic all-rounder, by being able to do concrete’ing, kango’ing, floor sawing etc, they can add industry approved qualifications and first aid certificates etc. All this will add potential negotiating points.
In general, they get much better at what they do and make sure that what they do is appreciated for being a valuable asset to the company they are working for.
They make sure that the potential employer knows that they are skilled in many things and would be a very useful asset and so, the employer thinks ‘we’ll we’ll have him, what can we offer?’
By increasing their value to an employer or client, they raise their monetary worth, but also force the employer or client to start thinking about what extra incentives they can offer the employee in order to attract or keep hold of him or her.
The same mentality is applicable to all employees and their negotiations in terms of salary etc.
Think about what you can do today to add value to your worth as an employee.
If you are a Copywriter, how can you add value to your worth? What can you do to improve not only your skill as a Copywriter, but also your Marketability?
How then can you exploit that and publicize the fact so that you’ve got people coming to you to get your services?
This is the essence of increasing success, making yourself more valuable than the norm within your chosen profession or the one you find yourself in, in order to bring yourself more opportunities.
Alternatively if you hate it that much and you feel so undervalued, you can just leave and do something far more interesting instead.
Love and Kisses.
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